Writing to the darkness (a letter)

I'm unsure of how to begin, what to say. I only know I have this urgent need to write to you. I've been sitting here trying to figure out what exactly it is that I want to say to you and I'm drawing a complete blank. What is there to say that will make any sense of what has happened? No words of mine can change this course of events, I cannot take away this pain you're going through. Words at this point are completely useless, yet, that is all I have to offer.

Alone in this moment there is no greater torture than knowing I have been the cause of your pain. I hate the realization that there is nothing to be done. No amount of wishing, nor actions, nor words will make things better. If time would allow, one moment, just one, I would hold you close to my heart and you would understand. Ear pressed against breast you would hear what I've been trying to tell you all along, this is no way to live and yet it is the only way to live. You would finally hear the echo of my footsteps, reluctant, walking away against my will.

I know your heart better than my own, empathy and intuition have given me full access to the fear and doubt that resides within. Why do you doubt what is certain, what has been written? A certainty such as this comes but once in a lifetime, you cannot alter destiny. I have seen you through many battles, many ages, and am completely devoted, inexplicably so, perhaps foolishly so. I have faith and believe in you, I love you with a depth you will never find elsewhere.

You will search, you will look in books, perusing every word, studying each exclamation mark, striving to understand the language. You will look in paintings, desperately seeking what lies beneath the layers of paint,searching for the brush stroke where beauty originated, only to find pain. You will listen intently to every whisper, in darkened corner booths, surreptitiously glancing around the room in hopes of yesterday making an impromptu appearance. You will clearly hear every groan of protest drawn from tired,musty beds, searching for an answer. You will deeply inhale the fragrant night, speeding along desolate countryside never glancing out the window to see where home lies, too busy adjusting to unaccommodating virgin leather seats.

You will look to the moon, with it's bald eye, for wisdom. You will glimpse a shooting star and believe you have found truth but will cry out as you realize it was only dust slipping through the sky, through your outstretched hands.

Your mouth taught me to fly, your words, crystallized like honey stung my lips with the weight of truth. Your body taught me to cry, choruses silently sung in unison,striking that elusive chord over and over begging for forgiveness, finally crying out against the oppressive reign 'hallelujah'.

There is no end, as there is no beginning, there is only this moment.

Always,
Self
© 2007 Crimson007